hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize