these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
