Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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