please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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