you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
