so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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