I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
