Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
