I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
