How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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