i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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