god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
