Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
