I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
