This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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