drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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