Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
