my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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