I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
