Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This beer is not sobering me up at all
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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