i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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