so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
