Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
