i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
