it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
