Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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