Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize