Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
