They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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