Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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