how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
