There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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