if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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