sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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