i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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