scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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