your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
