I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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