nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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