All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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