so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
