Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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