I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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