I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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