Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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