Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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