Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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