I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
