Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
