Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
