hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Let's get the cat blown out
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
