my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So vagazzling was a success
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
