God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
