return my video game
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
