I want to walk on stilts...naked
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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