As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
