I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize