Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
