Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
