I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
