i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
