So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
