Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
