i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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