the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
