you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
