hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
