I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
