On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
