dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
