he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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