The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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